Louise Rowledge

Thank you.

I remember meeting you in September 2001. I remember you as my first friend from school, my best friend. I remember so many of our times together. I remember the house you grew up in by heart. I remember playing in your swimming pool in summer. I remember trying to do bridges with you. I remember going to ballet with you, and I remember how much better you were and how you continued, and I stopped. I remember your parents and sibling. I remember your neighbours and the street you grew on.  I remember watching music videos and shows on MTV with you. I remember the salad your mum used to make, the one that I loved so much. I remember trying dancing with you and again giving up as I was so terrible. I remember all the games we played and your fish wallpaper. I remember the birthdays we celebrated together. I remember the cardboard box you and someone else made for my birthday(I still have it). I remember losing contact after not being in the same class and me changing schools. I remember becoming close again taking the bus to school together every day and just talking about life at 15/16 years old. And I remember losing contact fully again.

I remember the day I found out your mum died of suicide. I remember the heartbreak I left , and the heartbreak my mum felt.

I remember moving back to Luxembourg and messaging you and I remember never receiving a response, I don’t blame you, I am sure you had so much going on.

I remember you dying of suicides mere weeks later.

I remember the pain I felt, it still brings me to tears thinking about you.

I still feel guilty about feeling this way.

We lost contact back in 2015.

You were such a big part of my life, and I miss you so much. Please don’t think that I will ever forget you.

I am so sorry that the world was cruel to you.