Michelle Quigley

Stephanie Duffy

What can I say about our Stephanie. I miss her more than words can say. I'm afraid to think about her too much and get too sad. I'm sure like all of us at some point and time in our lives the shit has hit the fan regarding our mental health. I've certainly been through a good few dark times in my life. Afew crisis moments and literally living day to day like a yoyo of feelings and emotions. I've always had mild to extreme cases of anxiety since my early 20's. Now I can clearly say I'd never experienced depression until after Stephanie passed away and by god it was the most horrible horrendous, disgusting feeling I'd ever felt in my life. People throw that word around to easily thinking it's when there sad and it is horrendously more than just feeling that. Jeez getting through 1 day was hell to start all over again the next morning. It is scary. Stephanie had been battling depression on and off for years and had been on and off antidepressants the past 10years previous to her death. Every single thing in her life seemed to have taken a turn for the worst. Her work wouldn't let her transfer to another office because she didn't get on with some staff in there. She was a bag of nerves and cancelled a meeting with her manager and she was looking to put her down as wasting resources that day. I read in a report. This was the kind of care she was receiving from the civil service. She had taken up with a fella who was too fond of the drink who liked to belittle and verbally abuse her and control her life. Kicked her when she was down. I think she just had no fight left in her. And when I spoke with her and told her to think about what was annoying her and try to work on that. She said how do u fix not wanting to be on your own?. I didn't know what to say to that. Then she was sleeping alot. Everyday I came home from work and went up to chat to her and she was sleeping. Then one day afew weeks later she was up and saying she was feeling better. This was December time. Come January and she was back in contact with Jim and he was giving her dogs abuse. She seemed OK sometimes and sometimes she didn't. She had a meeting with her manager and her manager was doing all she could to accommodate Stephanie back into the office, she so desperately wanted to get away from. I remember her telling me that the manager wouldn't let her speak to a point where she was forgetting even what to say to her and  they made her attend a meeting at the workplace where she didn't want to see those colleagues. Her nerves were shot. My mammy said she was literally shaking all evening after that meeting. Then the days leading up to her passing Jim was calling her all the names under the sun. The night before she lost her life Jim had then sent an apologetic message. Must have been how he worked people. Put them down and then worm your way back in. She had literally said to Jim in a text message why are u doing this to me? are u trying to get me to lose my mind and kill myself?, Well I hope every word of that haunts him to his core. She was far too good for that sh*t but the persona stepahnie gave off was that nothing really bothered her and that she could handle herself, which was actually quite the opposite.